The Uggly Aspects of Pop Culture

"Coming up next, was Madonna desperate to have Dennis Rodman's baby?"

This is what I just heard on a preview for an upcoming episode of Inside Edition.

This question--while a good one--only makes me wonder something else: when did pop culture take over the world?

Think about it. From the moment you wake up in the morning until the time your head hits the pillow at night (or until your head hits the open book in front of you as you fall asleep in the back row of Walter Library--which ever happens first), you are inundated with useless information about the lives of celebrities, the hottest Hollywood parties and the sexiest fall fashion tips. (Yesterday, for instance, I learned what this season's "new" black is. You want to know what it is? It's black. That's right. Black is the new black. Boy am I happy to be on the cutting edge of this fashion phenomenon).

But seriously...do you ever wonder why you know that Gweneth Paltrow's baby is named after a piece of fruit? Or, do you ponder why, exactly, you know that Tom Cruise practices Scientology and that he and Katie Holmes are expecting their first child? Finally, do you ever sit back and wonder why you can remember that Britney Spears' husband is named Kevin Featherline, but you can't for the life of you recall the name of your lab partner in Biology class on Tuesdays and Thursdays?

I am not suggesting a boycott pop culture because frankly, reading the newest edition of Us Weekly is a helluva lot more fun than taking notes on one of your $200 textbooks. But I do ask that we all take a step back and put the following things into perspective:

First off, I would like to announce to all the ladies out there that Brad Pitt's new status as a single man does not mean that you are a potential candidate to become the next "Mrs. Pitt." (Why any woman would desire to be called "Mrs. Pitt" is beyond my comprehension, anyway).

Second, I ask that you try not to cry when you read that Nick and Jessica are going to get a divorce. Seriously...despite your years as a devoted fan of The Newlyweds, please keep in mind that YOU DO NOT KNOW THEM. In fact, if you approached them in a restaurant and vehemently requested their autographs, there is a good chance that they would place a restraining order against you.

Finally, please remember that certain fashions are best left on New York runways. When you arrive to class on Monday morning wearing a cowboy hat, overstuffed Ugg boots, and a mini skirt that might have fit you better when you were in the fourth grade, you look a little silly. Do yourself a favor: go shop at the Gap. Pick out some solid colored T shirts and a conservative pair of khakis and remember that you are in the heart of Minnesota, for goodness sakes.

Well, that's all I've got.
Have a wonderful day!
Kathleen